Bill's Bulletin Board
By Bill Rea

I like to consider myself a humane man. Thus I hate the thought of killing any living creature.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a piece in this spot reflecting on how bad I felt when I ran over some small rodent with my car, observing the only decent thing about the whole affair was obviously killed the creature instantly, thus sparing it much suffering.

My reluctance to harm creatures is very inclusive. fished for the last time almost 20 years ago, simply because my conscience wouldn't allow me to make sport out of forcing a fellow living being to fight for its life. I have amused some people, including my wife, by refusing to kill spiders or other hideous critters like that which somehow find their way into the home. I'll be more likely to to grab a hunk of paper towel, carefully and gently pick up the offending insect or bug (I'm not up on my technical definitions of what exactly an insect or bug is) and toss it out the front door. I usually go out some time later to pick up the paper towel, thus avoiding accusations that I've been littering.

I know that throwing one of these pests out into the elements is probably a death sentence anyway, but I look at it as having a certain element of giving it a fighting chance. I can live with that.

If that makes me sound like I have a lot of patience for my fellow creatures, I should point out that I do have my limits. Flies drive me up a wall.

I have been reminded of that a lot over the last couple of days because for some reason, some of the people I work with have decided to the front door of our office should be propped open a bit a good part of the day. It's almost like laying down a welcome matt for flies, along with any variety of other unwanted pests, like rodents spiders and people complaining about what they read in the paper.

Like most people, I find these things bloody annoying. It is not a lot of fun to be typing at a computer with a fly buzzing around your head, or having it land on your keyboard right in front of you, or crawl around on your fingers until you try to brush them off. also hate it when they hang around the lip of my coffee cup.

Swatting them is probably the best and most satisfying way to deal with these little so-and-sos, assuming your conscience will permit it, and you have sufficiently quick reflexes. fail on both counts, although my frustration sometimes overrules my humanity, and I try lashing out with whatever happens to be available, usually unsuccessfully.

Part of he problem is my humanity conflicts with my natural revulsion of these creatures. There are people who think bugs are cute, or maybe just interesting, but who can't stand dogs. I'm in the opposite camp.

Others hate or are terrified by snakes. I, however, have no problem with snakes, provided they're not poisonous. When I was about 12, I had the chance to pet, and then hold a boa constrictor, named Crusher. Eventually, I draped him around my shoulders, almost wearing him the way a woman would wear a mink stole. Any fear I ever had of snakes died that day.

But give me a couple of spiders, and watch my skin crawl. The scene in which Harrison Ford was knocking the giant spiders off his accomplice's jacket was the only part of Raiders of the Lost Ark that gave me any trouble.

A couple of years later, Steven Spielberg came out with another film, entitled Arachnophobia, which is the scientific term for fear of spiders. I went to see it with a rather larger group of friends, and not wanting to appear to be a wimp in the presence of this gathering, I toughed my way through it. I am not anxious to see this particular movie again.

Most of these other critters I can do without, even if that doesn't sound particularly brave. But there have been exceptions. I spent a couple of years working in an office run by a woman who liked to consider herself a tough, no-nonsense business person. Needless to say, she didn't have a lot of use for sexism, with one notable exception.

There were a couple of times she would emerge from her office, wailing, "I know I sound like a typical woman, but there's a great big horrible ugly bug under my desk."

Guess who was assigned to deal with these menaces. It was I, and I would run to grab the paper towels so I could gently (remember, I don't kill these things) get these things to the door of the building and let nature deal with them. Since it was one of the very few times I ever got the chance to appear sort of macho, I would usually hum the Indiana Jones theme loud enough for all to hear. There are times when I'm just not humble at all.

But the real truth is I was as attracted to these bugs as my former employer. But someone had to deal with them.

Flies don't gross me out as much as that. They are just annoying.

I hope we can keep our office door close more often. I've had enough of these pests.